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Monday, October 19, 2009

Don't worry, be happy...

"Let me LIVE, baby... Let me live!" -Tupac Shakur

I haven’t been blogging much mainly because I’ve had trouble knowing how to put what I’ve been feeling lately into words. Don’t get me wrong, my fingers have gripped any readily available writing utensil and scribbled quick partial-thoughts during nearly every waking moment, but the things that come out in those moments are so very personal that they would make no sense to any other being (and would perhaps result in police officers on my front porch and an involuntary commitment… I joke).
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The past two months of my life have been two that I initially knew I wanted to forget, but living through them, it would be unfair if my heart and mind were able to do such a thing. And that’s okay. I have always been a pretty private person, and I realize I haven’t been specific or alluded to much, but I can tell you that I have felt embarrassment, failure, heartache, depression, self pity, and severe distrust. The first few days following the accident were extremely dark for me, but after reality had a chance to really set in, I started feeling hopeful again, knowing that there’s nothing in this world that happens completely haphazardly. Leaves and trees bloom in the spring in order to bring us gorgeous autumn foliage, feelings are hurt so that we learn who to open our hearts to, and I truly believe that we stumble upon certain people and certain experiences in order to for us to know how to live.
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I digress. My quick post was just to let those who may wonder know that I am still here! I have a lot of thoughts to share and I will be doing just that, hopefully in a more positive tone than my previous posts. I just sit back and wonder sometimes how I can be objective when it comes to my own thoughts, or if I even owe anyone an objective perspective because I don’t always know how to interpret what races through my muddled mind. I wonder sometimes: should I just take what I think and write for face value or should I try to understand where my thoughts come from and whether those roots are even valid? I can’t say… I just know that I will continue to use this “blog” as a bit of a stress reliever, because it just feels right... Promise to stay tuned!