I want to hate you so badly. I remember watching the legendary ball drop and resolving to set no new year’s resolutions because in the past, they’d always been thrown out with the trash from the previous night’s celebration. Instead of at least momentarily focusing on whatever hopeful but empty goal my mind decided to fixate upon, I drew in deep breaths of fresh air and decided to instead, approach the coming year one day at a time. Only, it seems this fresh air had passed through a filter of guilt, deceit, and downright unhappiness before it reached my insides.
I ask myself, though - can I really complain about what you, this past year, have forced me to experience? What I SHOULD do is thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes, for letting me eventually smile over the lies, and for letting me hurt over the truths. Because of you, I am becoming a whole different person, and that’s why I want to live 2010 very differently. 2009, you have given me so much strength for what 2010 has yet to bring. 2009, sure, you broke my heart, but you really, showed me another side to life, the life that I have to live for myself. I am completely, and utterly, on my own in my decision-making and my responsibilities. And I am positively certain that it will all work out.
So while I don’t actually hate you, I do blame you for my occasional lazy days that turned into lazy weeks. And I think you should probably take a little responsibility for my irritability and impatience too. You threw a lot at me and let me walk into a many of disappointing situations, but I am certain that many parts of you have shaped the person that I will ultimately become. For every bad, there was a good, and even a few greats for which I am incredibly thankful for.
Resolutions for 2010? I am definitely working on them. No more resolution-less years.