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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Positivity, hope, and inspiration...

To find yourself lost is one of the most difficult ways to find yourself. To realize that you’ve veered off path for a moment can be disappointing and simply stumbling into a situation that isn’t your cup of tea can be frustrating. But to find yourself lost… well it kind of feels like standing in the room where Edward and Vivian from Pretty Woman decided to part ways. You think to yourself: “This can’t be the end. There’s so much more to the story!” Well as for me, I have found myself lost. Stuck in some strange black hole between today and tomorrow, I can’t help but wonder if there’s some sort of mandatory time I must spend in this holding cell or if I can pay an additional $9.95 for express delivery into the near future, the next step, where I need to be. If the feeling were a color, it’d be black. Not a depressed or sad or mournful black, but a solid, motionless black, where you can hear your heartbeat in your carotids and feel your skin actually cool as blood flows only to your more vital organs…

To find yourself lost is one of the most difficult ways to find yourself. I don’t believe losing yourself happens in an instant, but I’m almost certain that finding yourself lost does. Something happens or someone leaves, and your world becomes silent and still. For each person that we hold close to our hearts, we offer them a piece of our very self, and rightfully so. Sometimes, we drift away from one another and replace those pieces to make ourselves feel whole again, but sometimes we only think we’ve filled those gaps. And this is where I have found myself, lost and in pieces with unfilled gaps.

To find yourself lost is one of the most difficult ways to find yourself. I see the lives of so many people through my work and my relationships, and I am constantly reminded of the positives in my life: my Mom, not only the smartest, but the strongest woman I know; my Daddy, the wisest and most genuine man that I know; my Sister, who is also an amazing mother – not only to her children, but to everyone she cares about; my friends, even those that I don’t get to see anymore, who still reach out during my good times and my bad times; and the ones who aren’t with me physically
, but who will always be a part of me – Crystal, Grandma Mae, Uncle Don. My arms and my heart have wrapped around people in situations that most would deem unbearable, and I see these people still radiate positivity, hope, and inspiration from their cores. I pray incessantly for qualities like these because “Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep ya head up, and handle it.” And yes, I do recall citing Pac in my most recent past post too - just wise words being quoted. Anywho...

To find yourself lost is one of the most difficult ways to find yourself… however, finding yourself, well that is a victory of its own grandeur. My story won’t end here, and we all remember Richard Gere’s character, Edward, climbing the fire escape at her apartment to give Julia Roberts’ character, Vivian, the fairy tale that she dreamed of, her happy ending. Find yourself and stay true to the self that you find, and in the end, you’ll be left with the happiness you wanted, not the happiness that someone else wanted for you.




By the way, I’ve added Richard Gere to my Christmas list, and I’m going to be busy for the next few weeks building a fire escape here at the house…

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